My son was diagnosed with autism shortly after his 4th birthday, prior to that I knew next to nothing about autism and sent off without so much as a leaflet about what autism is I turned to Google (obviously). I thought autism was this whole new world to me that I needed to educate myself … Continue reading An Introduction
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The world keeps changing at a rate that is hard to keep up with. Like everyone else in the UK I'm now in lockdown but I know compared to others I am extremely lucky. I'm able to work from home so I don't need to worry about money; I'm not alone, I have my husband … Continue reading Change
I feel like I have made something of an important breakthrough. It's almost a year since I got diagnosed as autistic, and a few years since I started realising I was. But now, as of this week, I finally actually BELIEVE it. I no longer feel like a fraud, or worry that the assessor misinterpreted … Continue reading 11 months on from diagnosis
No sooner did I come back from the blogging wilderness, then another bout of anxiety hit and away I went again! Suddenly all day, every day is spent fighting it off and trying to be as normal as possible for my children, and sneak under the radar at work so I don't lose my job … Continue reading Therapy time
I am finally starting to think that maybe I do have a place in this world and don't need to keep hiding from it after all. All my life I've thought I wasn't allowed things other people had, not in the real world, only in my day dreams. Though I could never put my … Continue reading Now. Is the real world for me?
I think these are the last of my notes written in the first few months of being diagnosed, but within these there are so many issues I've yet to address, and I think this is at the core of why acceptance hasn't come easily for me... Inner demons and internalised ableism She isn't diagnosed, but … Continue reading Rewind – August 2019
Following on from yesterdays post, these are notes I wrote in my diary a few weeks after my autism assessment. I feel like I need to revisit my initial reactions now that things are settling down, integrate them somehow... I've often caught myself wondering if they got the diagnosis right. Initially I was worried that … Continue reading Rewind – May 2019
While I'm trying to organise my thoughts I feel like it would be helpful to go back to just after I was diagnosed. These are notes I scribbled in April last year, not long after the diagnosis: How do I feel about the diagnosis? Vague, lost, confused... I keep making tentative steps towards thinking about … Continue reading Rewind – April 2019
Where to start, where to start? Sorry I have been gone for such a long time. I didn't intend to stay away for so long. But so much has been going on and my head and thoughts have been all over the place, I could barely write anymore to be honest, save a few tweets. … Continue reading Getting real
I feel like I've lost my voice recently, hence why I haven't written all summer. It started when I finally plucked up the courage to phone the assessment centre and discovered it could well be another year before I got to talk to someone. There wasn't any anger about this on my part, I know … Continue reading Hello again, I’m still here
I often wondered how other people managed to have a social life and navigate all of that and still have the energy left for a career. For a long time just getting by has taken up all my energy, particularly on the social side of things as having friends and fitting in was my main … Continue reading Rise and Shine